My Trial

I wrote this in January 2003 for my college Hall magazine.

My Trial

The stories are meant to amuse but at the moment weighed by my own sense of heavy guilt, I am at the worst case of writer's block and I want to push a purely personal problem through this story. You may accuse me of washing my dirty linen in public, but do I have a choice? Can I be a judge in my own prosecution?
So, let me put before you the facts of this case. I will try to keep the facts detached from my interpretation, but human as I am, if they do creep in, you will have to bear with me.

I was six year old at that time and was one among the many that lived in this
non-descript village. My father, sister and mother-that was my world before that ill-fated train ride. I was naive who believed that men are inherently good. I was gullible who was repeatedly told that good always triumphs over evil.

And on that day, we were traveling by Swarnamati Express. I was not in the best of my moods. To me, trains had become synonymous with eatables. But, as if sensing the future, all the pheriwallas were conspicuously absent. The occasional cries of "chai garam" didn't do me any good.

The train reached a station. I tried to read the name of the station.
"Po---kh----ra! Pokhra!!!Papa. This is Pokhra station."
"Yes"

Suddenly I spotted a tea stall owner. With his imposing height and long beard, he was busy with his customers.
"Papa, he has something to eat. I want it."

My father, who usually didn't yield to my peremptory orders, suddenly seemed too docile and got down to bring something for me.

People of religion X were there on platform. They were raising slogans in name of their God and had banners, placards and ribbons round their forehead. (Incidentally, I, too belong to X religion, based on the single undeniable fact that I was born in X family.)

Amidst the din and obstructed view, I could barely see or hear my father. But it looked to me as if there was some hot argument between tea stall owner and few X people including my father. Before I knew, there was total commotion on platform. Shutters of windows were drawn. My father comes inside with his dress ruffled and brows knit. He looked worried. I didn't dare to ask for anything. He kept muttering, "This shouldn't have happened."

The train started with a jerk and windows were opened. With the whiff of fresh air which came in, the pall of Pokhra seemed to pass (or were we letting our guard too early?)

The train stopped one hundred and sixty seconds after it started (I know it! I know it!! I was looking at my father's watch wondering what was inside this which discriminated in favor of second hand and moved it faster than minute and hour hands.)

Train was getting late and passengers chafed at the bit.

I then saw what stubbornly refuses to be wiped by time. A mob of people were rushing towards our coach. They were shouting the name of their God (which was different from us as they belong to Y religion.) I turned to ask my father "Papa, why was train--?" but stopped on seeing that look of terror and helplessness in his eyes.
My father ,my strong father never looked as vulnerable as now. Meanwhile, cries of "Help us" ranted the air. The whole coach was on fire. Flames of fire like tongues of demon danced before us. The smoke and smell of charred bodies became unbearable for me.

I lost my naivety, gullibility and consciousness in one go. And so it was some time before I came to know that my world had lost three quarters of its population. Many worlds were destroyed. In total, fifty eight peoples didn't see the day light again.

I woke up to find another bearded person looking at me. I searched his eyes for hatred towards me, all I found was sympathy. Didn't he know about my being of X religion? He looked as if he wouldn't have cared had he knew this also.
I said, "My Papa!". He said with palpable sadness, "None in that coach S-6 survived except you." I again fell unconscious.

I woke up again only to find myself in the bearded person's house. His wife was happy to see me. She asked, "You want something to eat?" I said "Yes."

You may accuse me of being opportunistic, of being co-opted by a new religion which played its part in my father's killing. But, as a six year old, my religious moorings were not strong enough to override my hunger pangs. In a space of two months, I got used to my new family. I especially liked the bearded person. We together spent evenings playing. I could not forget my old decimated world but couldn't help myself getting sucked into a whole new world of saintly, bearded man and his angelic wife.

In the meanwhile, our villages were burning. X men were killing Y men, despoiling their God, burning children. In this emotionally charged atmosphere, police and the state shed their impartiality and helped perpetrate the genocide either covertly by being silent spectators to the brutalities or sometimes in a more overt, brazen way by leading predators to preys.

It had been three months. Barring sporadic incidents, the violence seemed to subside- eight hundred and eighty eight people were killed.

I felt pretty much secure, but I couldn't say same for my mentors-the bearded man and his wife. Though they tried to put a brave face, I could sense the fear and terror beneath the veneer of normalcy they tried to project before me.

One night someone knocked our door. The bearded man took his pistol with him and asked, "Who is it?" "Police. We have to search your house.". He opened the door gingerly only to let a storm of people pull him out of the door. They had Trishul in their hands and were raising slogans in the name of their Gods. They started beating, abusing the man. I was frightened. His wife ran outside. One of them carrying a Trishul came to me, "Why do you live with them? Don't you know they are Y?" I hawled, "Leave them." They disrobed the man and his wife. There was fire burning round the ground. They pushed them in that. They were thirty in all against two.

The smoke and smell of charred bodies became unbearable for me. I lost unconsciousness. I lost my second world.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Don't you find me responsible for the killing of nine hundred and fifty three people from both the religions? Where and when did it all start? It was from that scuffle between my father and the tea stall owner, wasn't it? Why did my father went to that tea stall owner?to fetch me something.

You may say I don't have any mens rea. But, the albatross round my neck now has a weight of nine hundred and fifty three people. I can't bear it anymore.

I find a deeper rooted, seemingly preposterous but plausible motive. Were there forces that were bent upon severing any familial ties I may form? When I was as X man, these forces came garbed in people with beard. When I became Y man, they came carrying Trishuls? It seems to me these forces have hidden their ulterior motives behind their religiosity. (Do I sound like a precocious six year old? But the events of these few months were so rapid; I literally had to outgrow myself to keep pace.)

Let me tell you one thing, if you intend to pronounce me guilty, I would like to bring two of my accomplices in the court -God of religion X and the God of religion Y. Because were it not that the bearded men ,who burnt the coach S-6, shouted that their God was great? And did not the men with Trishul claimed to carry out murders to uphold the dignity of their God?

To me everything seems to be orchestrated by these Gods only, perhaps in collusion with each other.

And now I can't convince myself to call him God, who is invisible, perhaps just a notion but in whose name so many lives were lost, can you? I pause for a reply.

Words

Used to like this song a lot during college days..This song was a regular on MTV Select some time back when MTV was true to its name Music TV and had not degenerated in to the most unreal channel playing 24*7 reality shows (splitsvilla and roadie et al) (BTW, If this is the real India, isn't it a little scary?)

This song was originally written and sung by Bee Gees and was later performed by Boyzone in their 1996 album

Smile an ever lasting smile
a smile can bring you near to me
don't ever let me find you gone
'cause that would bring a tear to me
this world has lost its glory
let's start a brand new story
now my love
you think that I don't even mean
a single word I say

it's only words
and words are all I have
to take your heart away

talk in ever lasting words
and dedicate them all to me
and I will give you all my life
i'm here if you should call to me
you think that I don't even mean
a single word I say

it's only words
and words are all I have
to take your heart away

it's only words
and words are all I have
to take your heart away

da da da da da da da
da da da da da da da da da da
da da da da da da da
da da da da da da da da da da

this world has lost its glory
let's start a brand new story
now my love
you think that I don't even mean
a single word I say

it's only words
and words are all I have
to take your heart away

Rosesh Ki Kavitayen.....(From Sarabhai Vs Sarabhai)

If you have just reached this planet and are wondering what the hell is Sarabhai, here is is the wikipedia link of Sarabhai:--
Sarabhai on wiki

Momma ka purse momma ka purse
jaise hospital ki pyaari si koi nurse
purse mein rakha tissue paper karta hai paseene ka ilaaj
aur lipstick ho jaise bhookhe honton ka anaaj
momma ke purse ka hai makhmali sa sparsh
momma ka purse momma ka purse
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Khatar khun khatar khun khatar khun
Sun mere dil ki dhun (Apparently Rosesh is comparing his heart to a car
which has broken down)
Tere pyaar ki oiling mil gayi isey
Toh khatar khun ka ho jaayega gun gun
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In the living room of Sarabhai's.........

Hogi Saahil Bhai ki sagaai...........
Agley mahiney...........
Priya Bhabhi phuli na samaai
Yeah Yeah Yeah...............
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tum bin jaise mai raaste ka andha bhikhari
thodi blessings daan me de do
thodi mamta tumhari
momma ho momma ha...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ek Common Man Ko Mili Hai Pari
Jaise Chiku Ke saath Ho Strawberry
Aage Aage Mummy Aur Piche Piche Daddy
Jaise Ho Tom And Jerry
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ghanan ghanan ghanan ghanan
badalo se aaye pehla soorya kiran
daanton ke liye danta manjan
aur pet ke liye kaayam chooran
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
hawa mein hai khushi ki aroma
jeet gayi momma,jeet gayi momma
say hi to happiness n tata to trauma
jeet gayi momma,jeet gayi momma
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
lagul lagul lagul lagul
laal laal lagul lagul JELLY
jelly ke cabre dancer jaise shareer mein chhupi hai
anjaani ankahee paheli
jelly hai moma ka mann
narm mulayam meetha
pasand hai ise har koi
sangeeta rita mita aneeta
jelly giri zameen par
to awaaz aayi PLUP PLUP PLUP PLUP!
baccha usme haath maare
to sunai deti hai THUP THUP THUP THUP!
jelly par kabhi fungus na lage
uska swaad kabhi bhankas na lage
agar bachani hai hume hamari country...
TO JELLY KO BANANA HOGA HAMARA PRADHAN MANTRI!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
tumhe samjhe toh mujhe bhi samjhana,
kyu hai mera jeevan itna khokla,
jaise koi baasi aur sada hua khaman dhokla....
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
aasman mein udd raha hai kabutar .....
Aasman mein udd raha hai kabutar ....
FLUTTER ..... FLUTTER..... FLUTTER......
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Popat Kaka ki atma ka Popat ud gaya ud gaya ud gaya rey..
Shristi ke sajjan haath se popat jud gaya jud gaya jud gaya rey..(Popat is
name of his kaka who had expired)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
humpty dumpty sat on the 'gaadi'
gadi pe betha tabhi aa gayi dadi
dadi ne kaha aaja mere paas
kyunki gaadi pe bethna is just so middle class
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
*Maya Sarabhai ko jeevit shradhaanjali*

Meri moma Maaya Sarabhai,
Yaani Ishwar ki di hui badhaai,
Ishwar ki samjaai hui sachaai,
Ki duniya maaya se hi bani banaai !

Sab kuch hai maaya, yeh sofa yeh kaaya,
Ishwar ne table-cloth bhi hai maaya se banaaya !

Rista bhi maaya, raasta bhi maaya,
Lunch hi nahi, breakfast bhi maaya !

Maaya sophistication ka pratik hai,
Thodi contemporary thodi antique hai, (awesome)
Maaya to hai mamata ka chaaya,
Sara pyaar aata always via maaya !

Maaya hai jeevan ki preyasi,
Maaya hai jaise dining table ki kursi,
Maaya hi dudh, maaya hi lassi,
Phir kaise kahu ki maaya chal basi !!!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
*Teen pair waala kutta...*

Yeh hai teen pair waala kutta,
Isko kabhi bhagaana nahi padta,
Susu karte waqt use pair uthaana nahi padta,
Yeh hai teen pair waala kutta !!!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Udd ja kaale kaue (crow) , teri kavita hai bundel,
Ek bhi agar aage padha to marunga sandel !!!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tugduk tugduk tugduk..
Momma ne bola rosesh..
Ruk ruk ruk ruk ruk ruk.....
Maine peche dekha .....
Look look look look look look....
Momma ne mujhe di ek horse riding ki...
Book book book book book book...!!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------ring
tring baji fone ki ghanti..
usne bola mera naam hai bunty..
fir woh bola namsate maya aunty..
maine bola..i am rosesh..sorry bunty....
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

My IIMK interview

GD:--

Topic: -- Internet is killing creativity. People are just borrowing
ideas from it. It has affected their language. They are socializing
less. God save this generation from Internet!

A good GD which did not turn out to be fish market. Every one got a
chance to speak.
I could enter three-four times.
A guy said something like our language is changing to SMS language. I
said that language is a dynamic thing. If we read whatever Chaucer,
father of English, wrote in 14th century, we will see how much we have
deviated in our current English usage from it and it can be no one's
argument that this change is for worse.
Again, I entered at one point saying that sites like Rediff.com which
provide a message board allowing users to comment have incorporated a
false sense of participation in political process. People are turning
into keyboard warriors thinking that they have fulfilled their
responsibility as a citizen just by voicing their opinion on internet.
Then the discussion veered towards borrowing of ideas and I said that
plagiarism is an issue but it depends on the ethics of the person.
Also, it actually helps when we want to undertake some new project; we
can look for other works done in that area and borrow ideas so that we
don't keep reinventing the wheel

PI:--

P1:-- an old professor
P2:-- a lady professor

P1:-- You have written about leadership in your form. What is the
difference between a leader and manager?
Me – Leader is a much stronger term than manger. Leaders have a
vision. They have certain type of mysticism attached to them.
P1:-- Ok tell me one leader.
Me—Mahatma Gandhi because he could inspire people to rally around him
on such themes like salt and turn it into the civil disobedience
movement
P1—no no business leader
Me—Bill gates
P1—Indian?
Me--Dhirubahi Ambani
P1—what about Tata?
Me—yes ,he could visualize a demand for 1 lakh car and
deliver it despite rising costs of input and problems in West Bengal
puts him into the leader category.
P1—compare Ambani and Tata on ethics and social responsibility.
Me— Fact is that there have been allegations against Reliance business
practices. Mr. Ramnath Goenka, editor of Indian Express, in 70-80s
investigated Reliance closely and raised various uncomfortable
questions for the company. Since there has not been any such incident
against Tata, I feel they are beyond reproach. But till Satyam fiasco
happened, no one could have suspected Mr. Raju also.
Smiles from P1 and P2
P1—You have heard about what Nestle is doing in Moga district of Punjab.
Me—sorry sir, I haven't
( Nestle's initiative in Moga )
P1--- what would you say about AMUL's social responsibility?
Me—I would compare AMUL with another Gujarat industry Jamnagar
petroleum refinery. AMUL channelizes the local resource,
gives it a brand name and ensures value addition to local milk
producers. This puts it into a better light than Jamnagar plant. There may
be spillover effects of that refinery in local economy, but it
contributes less substantially to local population than AMUL.
P1—you have heard about the business practice of India Coffee House?
Me—sorry sir, I haven't heard about India coffee House.
P1--(very surprised) -- your hobby is quizzing and you don't know about it.
Me (now embarrassed) – sorry sir, Is it some sort of coffee chain like Barista? Do they have presence in North India?
P1—no, it is a hotel and they are everywhere even in Delhi.
( India Coffee House on wiki )
P1—Ok tell me about your present job.
Me— I work in Electronic Design Automation (EDA) industry in which we
supply tools to help the semiconductor design companies in designing
electronic circuits. I work in synthesis area where we make tools
which can convert a Verilog code into the circuit needed to implement
its functionality.
P2--Your alternative career option is teaching. When and what did you teach?
Me—I used to give private tuitions during my IAS preparation. I used
to teach Physics.
P2—You like Physics.
Me-- yes maam
P1—Why did you want to become an IAS officer?
Me—I am fascinated by the diversity in the IAS officer's job. No two days are same for him. I think he is the biggest manager of all as he has to do disaster management, financial management, people management everything. Unfortunately, I couldn’t clear the second level of examination.
P1—You are earning Rs x per month. After two years, when you pass out
and you can't get a job matching it, will you regret it?
Me—There is one Hertzberg's motivation-hygiene theory in work
motivation which says money is a hygiene factor whose absence can make
you dissatisfied but its presence automatically doesn’t lead to job
satisfaction. It is the nature of the work, chances of personal growth
and job responsibility which lead to satisfaction. So, I would not be
disappointed. ( I am still shaking my head in disbelief that I could convincingly argue that money doesn't matter for me, when I know that is not true. )
P1- why do you want do an MBA?
Me—sir, my 3.5 years of experience in EDA and telecom sectors has
provided me with assignments which were challenging but myopic as far
as giving complete picture of product development cycle is concerned.
Secondly, when I look at the educational qualification of top
executives in my EDA industry, which is not an industry where MBAs are
dying to come, there also I find if there is one degree which is more
common than others is some sort of management degree. (P2 at this
point shakes her head in approval) .I feel that challenges for top
level executive are different than for a mid level or entry level
executive and a formal grounding in management teaches skills which
are difficult to acquire just by experience. I want to do management
so that my lack of these skills doesn't become glass-ceiling for me
later.
P1—See you passed out long back. Do you think you will be able to cope
with academics once again?
Me-- yes sir, the fact that I cleared CAT is a testimony that I am not
completely out of touch with academics. Also, I spent two years
preparing for civil services which were also basically my exposure to
textbooks and acquiring new knowledge.
P1—how will you find the inverse of the matrix?
Me—divide the adjoint of matrix by its determinant
P1—what is Cramer's rule?
Me – I explained on paper how it can be used to solve simultaneous
linear equation by creating a matrix of coefficients
P1—no that is wrong
I think I could not explain him properly because I checked it and
basically I knew about it but probably couldn't structure my thought
at that moment.
P1—what is a continuous function?
Me— A function for which at every point in its domain left limit,
right limit and value of the function are equal.
P1— any other way to check whether a function is continuous or not
Me—we can check its graph and it should not have discontinuity
P1—Heights of 100 students is given – Is it continuous or discrete function?
Me—continuous because height can take any value
P1—collection of all points between 2 and 3--Is it continuous or discrete?
Me-- continuous
P1—So which calls you have?
Me—only one.
P1 checks something in his data sheet
P-why?
Me—I guess my lower overall score.
P1—see our students generally are of the age group 23-25 years. Would
you able to fit in?
Me—yes sir and I will be bringing diversity to your batch and a fresh
perspective in classroom discussions. I have read the whole graduation
level syllabus of Psychology as it was one of my optional in IAS exam
and I'll bring ideas from it in discussion.
P1—so what did you think about GD in the morning?
Me—I think as the topic was very close to what we all do everyday, and
not vague as in some GDs I have heard of, everybody had something to
say. It was a healthy discussion and not a fish market as has happened
in some of the earlier GDs I have attended.
P1—which one did you attend?
Me—Career Launcher mock GDs
P1—So what did they tell about GD?
Me—They said that content is king. Many people emphasize that it is
the way you speak but unless you have something interesting and
fruitful to say, it will not matter howsoever well you speak. Don't use slang. Also, when you are sitting in chair, you shouldn't position yourself in such a way that you block the view of the person sitting next to you cutting him off from GD. You shouldn’t use exaggerated gestures. Also, if one of the members is having a difficulty entering GD, you should help him by telling the group to listen to his point.
P2—Did that happen today?
Me—since everyone was contributing, there was no need for it.
P1—how much did Career Launcher charge?
Me—Rs 500
P1—(surprised) that's cheap
P2—You must have read economics for you IAS examination
Me—(mar gaye—yeh topic kahan se aa gaya? Abhi tak to thik hi chal raha
tha...) yes maam we had to read about WTO, IMF, World Bank, planning
in India and stuff like that. It wasn't theoretical economics but more
like its applications.

Now I was waiting with bated breath for the dreaded Economics questions.

P2--- OK so your hobby is reading fiction novels. Which are your
favorite authors?
Me—(I was so relieved I felt I should thank her for not grilling me on
economics. :-))Salman Rushdie, Ayan Rand, Joseph Heller.
P2—You have read Salman Rushdie
Me— yeas maam I have read one of his books Midnight's children
P2—what did you like about it?
Me—His style of combining magical realism with India's story after
independence (kucch bhi bol raha huun…)
P2—which books of Ayan rand?
Me—We The Living, Fountainhead and Atlas Shrugged.
P2—So you like Howard Roark's character
Me—yes maam
P2—But Ayan Rand talked about a laissez-faire capitalistic system. Do you
think her view is discredited in the light of recession?
Me—I don't think so maam. This system has its flaws but it is the best
we have. The best would be a system where we could combine Keynesian
emphasis on government spending and laissez—faire but I am not sure if
it can be done given that they are basically talking about two
contrasting things. There is no point in going back to Communism or
Socialism as it is dead (Was it a mistake to say so in front of
professors from Kerala – a bastion of communism? Not sure about their
political views.)
P2—Don’t you find Rand's philosophy self-centered?
Me—Her point is that those who find her philosophy self-centered have no self.
P2 starts smiling
Me—She has argued for this in her book "virtue of selfishness"
P2—Yes I have read that book. Ok I am done
P1—Ok thanks, you may go
Me—thank you sir and maam

Keeping my fingers crossed for result day, 10th April 2009
(had to uncross them while taking lunch/dinner:-))